IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about equally important and indispensable factors.
However
Linking Words
, I will discuss and explain my point of view in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is evident that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first people to make contact with them and spend the most
time
Use synonyms
 with them;
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is quite vital to the child.
This
Linking Words
 is because the child will tend to imitate the performance of what the dad and mom are doing.
For example
Linking Words
, if one of the
parents
Use synonyms
 likes to play violent games, it will lead to
children
Use synonyms
 exhibiting vicious tendencies in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
's lives; they must educate them well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 get older, the
time
Use synonyms
 they spend in school becomes and even overtakes the
time
Use synonyms
 they spend at
home
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, someone said
schools
Use synonyms
 are considered the second
home
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 age group are easily susceptible to the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of others around them;
thus
Linking Words
, educators must build a supportive environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, a friendly environment fosters pupils' sympathy.
Hence
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 crucial in forming
children
Use synonyms
 to be excellent members of society. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 are essential and have equal responsibility in teaching
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good community members.
While
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 represent the
home
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
,
schools
Use synonyms
 are their second
home
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in both houses and learn about morality, life skills, and language, making them effective in society.
Submitted by yuwen027 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay introduces both viewpoints and provides a clear position in the conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more linking phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
examples
Elaborate on your examples to make your points more convincing. For instance, you could discuss how specific behaviors exhibited by parents or teachers concretely translate to societal impact.
development
Try to expand your ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes equally to your argument. Some points are less developed than others, which affects the overall balance of the essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion that both parents and schools play important roles.
understanding
You have successfully identified the main arguments on both sides of the debate, showing an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: