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Band 7

growth of online shopping will be the closing reason of all shops in cities and towns, do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
In the modern era, web shopping plays a vital role in today's world. Many individuals use the e-commerce website to buy , which allows customers to choose from wild range of
products
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
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 statement of shutting down both small and big stores because of virtual shopping.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 street shopping is enjoyable, web shopping delivers the
products
Use synonyms
 to your doorstep.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, people refuse to spend
time
Use synonyms
 going shopping in stores that are very far and not convenient for them.
Also
Linking Words
, cyber shopping not only saves your
time
Use synonyms
, but you can choose
products
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 based on your preferences and liking. Apart from that communication cost and the
time
Use synonyms
 it takes you to reach that shop are saved in online shopping.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
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, if you found out your product is damaged after coming home, you have to answer lots of questions by the shopkeeper at that moment, which is hassle-free in internet shopping.
Also
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, cyber shopping have 20 to 30-day return policy, which is very convenient for individuals who avoid going outside.
However
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,
while
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 online shopping saves
time
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, traditional shopping examines
products
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 physically.
Lastly
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, because of festive offers on Diwali and other festivals, people choose to purchase online and stock up.
For Example
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, in the survey of 2023, 80% people use Amazon and Flipkart to purchase online every year.
Conclusion
In a nutshell,
while
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 traditional shopping requires purchasing the
products
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 after examining them, online shopping gives you lots of choices and discounts. So,
that is
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 the reason for slowing down the business of various shops.

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task response
State your main view more clearly: online shopping may close some shops, but it will not close all shops in every city and town. Then keep this view in each body part.
task response
Explain why some shops can stay open. For example, people may want to see clothes, try shoes, or get food and medicine at once.
task response
Give fuller support for each point. Do not only say that online shopping saves time; explain how this makes people buy online more often.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The Amazon and Flipkart example fits the topic, but the survey claim needs a source or should be written as a general example.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, one body part on why online shopping grows, one body part on why shops can remain, and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main idea. The second body part moves from returns to seeing goods in person to festival sales, so the flow is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Make sure each link shows the right relation between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'online shopping' and 'cyber shopping'. Choose one term, such as 'online shopping', and use 'it' when the meaning is clear.
task response
You give a clear view that online shopping can harm local shops.
task response
You include useful reasons, such as home delivery, less travel time, returns, choice, and lower prices.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
You use some signpost words, such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Secondly', and 'Lastly', to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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