IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are working increasingly longer hours. What are reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative effect?

It has been observed that people spend a large amount of working time in some nations. The author firmly believes that
this
Linking Words
 trend is mainly caused by the desire
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
promotion
Use synonyms
 and financial demands which make it completely advantageous for social wealth. One key driver of spending longer time at work is the
promotion
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
In other words
Linking Words
, many
young
Capitalize word
Young
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 individuals bury themselves in a large number of tasks and stay at their workplaces longer because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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attempt to create
profound
Add an article
a profound
the profound
show examples
 impression
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their colleagues and upper managers.
As a result
Linking Words
, most workers with the same mindset which eventuates in the same approach
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
seek better
promotion
Use synonyms
 since they hope
this
Linking Words
 method will be as effective as they expected
while
Linking Words
 their leaders are really not interested in these. Another primary reason is the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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in improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 individual financial positions. To clarify, young employees encounter frequent financial
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 that make them struggle
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 allocate the expenses of their lives, meanwhile staying more focused on their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 may offer extra rewards that meet their fundamental requirements.
Consequently
Linking Words
, all of them acknowledge that the more diligent they are, the more well-paid they will be, and most of them continue to work longer
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 benefit. Admittedly,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is absolutely beneficial owing to economic gain.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 who
drives
Correct subject-verb agreement
drive
show examples
 themselves to work more generally substantially
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth because they enhance their
overall
Linking Words
 productivity or increase
sheer
Change the article
a sheer
the sheer
show examples
 number of products which offer worthy profits for companies and organizations.
Then
Linking Words
, the revenues will be utilized to assist the poor or innovate technology,
infrastructure
Correct word choice
and infrastructure
show examples
 that later reinforces the societies’ possession. In conclusion, I believe that better
promotion
Use synonyms
possibility
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
show examples
 and financial needs are the important causes of
this
Linking Words
 tendency. Eventually,
this
Linking Words
 trend is absolutely positive because it plays a role in fostering
an affluent societies
Correct the article-noun agreement
an affluent society
affluent societies
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main point with strong examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to improve flow and understanding.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction includes a clear overview of the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You identified important reasons for long working hours, such as promotion opportunities and financial needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your main ideas clearly and summarizes the overall message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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