IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should compete
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life .
While
Linking Words
 in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand
Use synonyms
 some feel that they should
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one
hand
Use synonyms
 , rather than beefing together . In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the two points and I'll give my opinion. Competing at something you do has a lot of
advantages
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , competing at your
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 with the workers to be the best of all . It is a good thing
compete
Fix the infinitive
to compete
show examples
 in your life and it makes you improve your skills in what you are dealing with .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 you are competing with your friends in a football team and you used to lose . often , you started to improve yourself and step by step you started to win and became the best in the whole team In another
hand
Use synonyms
 , there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a part of
people
Use synonyms
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that they should not compete in what they are doing and
work
Use synonyms
 together
instead
Linking Words
 of competing .
People
Use synonyms
Cooperate
Wrong verb form
Cooperating
show examples
 with each other
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of
advantages
Use synonyms
 and can lead
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
impressive success .
For example
Linking Words
, students at school must focus on working together in one
hand
Use synonyms
 and helping each other so they all learn from their mistakes and do not fail . Particularly parts of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should compete and take everything as a competition .
While
Linking Words
 in another side , some
people
Use synonyms
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 that they should
work
Use synonyms
 together . Part of
people
Use synonyms
 will disagree about my opinion . But I think that the
advantages
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working together and helping each other
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
Use synonyms
 of competing

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coherence
Your introduction needs clearer organization. Try to state both views more clearly and share your own opinion at the end of the introduction.
task response
You provided examples to support your points, which is good for showing your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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