IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think individuals should be responsible for reducing pollution, while others argue that it is the government’s duty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that everyone has the responsibility to reduce
pollution
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others claim that the government should be the one to address the problem. In my opinion, I fully agree with the viewpoint that protecting the environment requires every human being’s effort.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and my reasonings. First of all, governments have the power to enforce laws. The government can regulate industries, impose fines on polluters, and set national goals for achieving net-zero
emissions
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
For example
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, public companies in Taiwan should report their carbon
emissions
Use synonyms
 annually to the regulatory institutions.
Furthermore
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, for those who
emitted
Wrong verb form
emit
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 more than the expected amount, they have to pay for their extra
pollution
Use synonyms
 to fund the official projects for developing low-carbon technologies.
Thus
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, the mandatory power not only combats
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovative solutions.
However
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, personal habits
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the fundamental factor causing
pollution
Use synonyms
. Our daily routine from how we commute to work to what we eat for meals accounts for the main
emissions
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, whether we drive to our workplace or
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
take the public transportation system leads to huge
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 in carbon
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, those who frequently renew their wardrobes to catch up with fast fashion cause
astonishing
Add an article
the astonishing
an astonishing
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 amount of garbage,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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shipping
box
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boxes
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 from online shopping and
the
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apply
show examples
discarded
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
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 in worse quality.
Therefore
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, the consumer’s preference and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 would influence how companies provide their service and products, causing
the
Correct article usage
an
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 impact across the supply chain
accordingly
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. In conclusion, the law serves as an effective tool to drive down
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution
Use synonyms
,
wheareas
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the individual lifestyle drives how the enterprises operate their businesses.
Hence
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, it is the shared responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 everyone to make the positive change to create a better living environment.

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task achievement
Make sure each point is clearly explained. You could add more details for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more connecting words to show how ideas link together. This will help the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction states the main points that will be discussed. This helps the reader know what to expect.
task achievement
You provide a good overview of both views and express your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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