IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?"

Today, it is common to think that successful
people
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 are only the ones who possess a lot of material and money resources. In my opinion,
success
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the success
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 of a
person
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 is not only
his
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about his
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 or her richness and possessions, it is
also
Linking Words
 about personal characteristics, contribution to the world , and positive
relationships
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.
To begin
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 with, success is a very subjective term, and it has numerous meanings, but the most common one regards
to
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apply
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financial opportunities. The more material items
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person
Correct article usage
a person
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 possesses, the more successful he or she is. Money opens a lot of opportunities
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
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 everyday life.
High
Correct article usage
A high
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 level of education, medical assistance,
a
Correct word choice
and a
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comfortable standard of living can increase the level of
life-contentment
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life contentment
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 and positively influence the emotional state of an individual.
Moreover
Linking Words
, wealth can help
people
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 to provide better life quality to their offspring and show assistance to those individuals who are in need. Wealth can become a starting point in developing the state of society and make
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of other
people
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 more satisfying. Despite
things
Correct article usage
the things
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 that were mentioned above,
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person
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a person
the person
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 should
also
Linking Words
 possess some personal characteristics like generosity , graciousness, and honesty. Those parts of personality can assist
people
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 in reaching better
relationships
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 in society and
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 strong bonds among individuals. Being able to cope with
people
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also
Linking Words
 can help to reach some great goals and build a strong opinion in society about your personality.
For example
Linking Words
, corrupt officials have a lot of money, but lack honesty,
therefore
Linking Words
 are hated by the publicity and hardly can be called “successful”. Having good
relationships
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 is crucial for every individual, because those whose
thrust
Correct your spelling
trust
show examples
 you have obtained, can help you in certain types of situations when you will need someone’s assistance. In conclusion, even if in our developing world financial opportunities play an enormous role, there are more aspects that should be supported by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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such
Linking Words
 as being honest and kind and
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 strong
relationships
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 to become a successful
person
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammar and punctuation are correct for better readability.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your opinion.
task achievement
Your essay presents good ideas about success beyond wealth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Affluence
  • Materialism
  • Fulfillment
  • Well-being
  • Philanthropy
  • Societal norms
  • Personal growth
  • Economic power
  • Subjective
  • Humanitarian
What to do next:
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