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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good members of the community is the responsibility of
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue no better place to teach
this
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 than school. In my opinion, I believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 are better for
children
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 to learn these
values
Use synonyms
, as educational institutions are more equipped with tools and trained teachers.
Moreover
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,
children
Use synonyms
 should have the same opportunity to learn these
values
Use synonyms
 despite household conditions. Some argue that the
children
Use synonyms
's
parents
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 should be the ones who teach them to be good members of society because they are considered to be
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
role models before anyone else and they spend much time with their
children
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.
Therefore
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, a
child
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 gets
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by their
parents
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' behaviour even when they do not notice.
For instance
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,
parents
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 can influence their
child
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 by helping neighbours in front of them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or reading before bed stories that
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 moral content. But
that is
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 not always the case, as not all
parents
Use synonyms
 do their duty in educating their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 about
such
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 things.
Although
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 some think it is the role of
parents
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 to teach their
children
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 these
values
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, others believe that relying on
schools
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 to teach them these
values
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better than
parents
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. Because household conditions vary from one home to another,
For example
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, some of my friends'
parents
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 work in long hours job or their
parents
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 work two jobs. Their
parents
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 do not have time to teach them.
That is
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 the case within many other homes
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have issues,
such
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 as poverty, divorced
parents
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, single
parents
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, and domestic negation.
Therefore
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,
schools
Use synonyms
 are better at providing equal opportunity for
children
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 to learn how to be beneficial members of the community, and
schools
Use synonyms
 are more equipped with tools and trained teachers who can deliver these
values
Use synonyms
 in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 manner. In conclusion, I think a
child
Use synonyms
 should have equal opportunity to learn how to be good individuals in society despite their home condition and
schools
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial in delivering
such
Linking Words
values
Use synonyms
 in easy manners.

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task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your main points and make them more specific.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas smoothly between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion of both views.
task achievement
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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