IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today, more and more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

In the rapidly changing world, adults postpone their marriage and children to the age of
thirties
Use synonyms
.
while
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 there are obviously significant benefits to
this
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, there are negative outcomes as well. It will be explored in the essay with conclusions in the Upcoming paragraph.
Initially
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, Owing to
this
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 decision , men and Women improved their financial Stability; leading successful careers with high-level jobs, education, and salaries without family responsibilities pressure.
This
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 means that after marriage, numerous duties added up in women's lives as men especially housewives' s duties which increases pressure on their minds.
For instance
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, to do a home task like breakfast dinner lunch and others; they need time which working women are not able to do in their daily routines.
Secondly
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, most people feel that maturity becomes after the
thirties
Use synonyms
 whether it's being emotional, or baby planning , unlike the youngster .
This
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 factor emphasises that at a young age;
for example
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 between 20 and 25 age; are less mature because as their ages Increase and experience maturity level will rise. That's why I support the view of mar marriage after the
thirties
Use synonyms
 is a rational idea.
However
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, the main significant negative outcome of
this
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 statement is less Human reproduction due to imbalanced hormones and weight gain.
As a result
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, a number of people face difficulties
while
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 Convincing a baby after their
thirties
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. More than 75% of doctors recommended that having a body before
thirties
Use synonyms
 is Superior.
Therefore
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 I raised the view of getting married and baby after the
thirties
Use synonyms
 Can be dangerous. In Conclusion, even though there is a significant positive outcome ; just one negative result can harm their married life.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion about the trend, either positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Break your essay into clear paragraphs to improve flow: one for introduction, one for each main point, and one for conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more examples and details for your points, especially about emotional maturity and financial stability.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences to make your ideas clearer and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and spelling for better clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of both positive and negative sides of the topic.
task achievement
You use examples from everyday life which helps make your points clearer.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • emotional maturity
  • life experience
  • career development
  • professional achievements
  • job satisfaction
  • health risks
  • quality of parenting
  • societal changes
  • cultural expectations
  • gender roles
  • educational attainment
  • secure environment
  • life experience
  • shifting trends
  • medical advice
What to do next:
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