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Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to ensure a happy family life for children is to make mothers and fathers take part in parenting courses every year. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

There has been a
a
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apply
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growing belief that encouraging
parents
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 to enrol in annual parenting
courses
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 is crucial for ensuring a happy family life for
children
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea as it eases the generation gap despite
considered
Add a missing verb
being considered
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 a waste of time. On the one hand, participating in
such
Linking Words
 classes may strengthen the parent-child bond.
In other words
Linking Words
, many
parents
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 today struggle to understand and empathize with their
children
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 who are far younger than them because the age gap often creates an invisible barrier that prevents
parents
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 from befriending their
children
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in terms of studying, teenagers rarely confide in their
parents
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 about contemporary social pressures that
parents
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 do not expect, in
this
Linking Words
 situation, attending parenting
courses
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 will help
parents
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 gain a deeper understanding of their
children
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's lives, encouraging open communication about challenges.
Hence
Linking Words
, parenting classes will reinforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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empathy among family members and make them happier.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking part in these
courses
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 is time-consuming. To clarify,
instead
Linking Words
 of enrolling in these
courses
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,
parents
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 may spend their time working in order to gain promotion,
then
Linking Words
 they can access more lucrative opportunities which will become a solid foundation that
foster
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fosters
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 the
children
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 to live in affluent and convenient environments that have better conditions for them to be
successfulthis
Correct your spelling
successful this
 will lead to a happier life.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 argument overlooks the importance of family bonds and unfairly prioritizes financial factors as the sole determinant of a happy family life.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, family happiness is not solely determined by financial status
,
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 but is significantly influenced by parental involvement, fostering
children
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's confidence, self-reliance, and resilience which help them tend to embrace the disparities between them and their
parents
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, these
courses
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therefore
Linking Words
 play a key role in maintaining family harmony. In conclusion , I strongly agree
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that these
courses
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 can mitigate the generation gap despite some
argue
Wrong verb form
arguing
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 that it is a waste of time. Ultimately, those who dismiss these classes as useless and prioritize financial concerns are short-sighted and lack perspective.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. You can improve it by saying, 'I firmly believe that parenting courses are essential.'
coherence cohesion
Use more clear linking words to connect your ideas. For example, start your points with 'Firstly,' and 'Secondly,' to help with flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you pay attention to grammar and spelling. For example, 'successthis' should be 'success. This.'
task response
You provide good examples of why parenting classes can help with family bonds. Your point about understanding children's lives is strong.
coherence cohesion
You present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view, and this is a good technique.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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