IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that youngsters should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?

For
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 society,
people
Use synonyms
 should make sure that they raise their children in a good way to be good residents in the future. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that young individuals should be required to volunteer and help others in the community. There are many advantages of
this
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 requirement
as well as
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 disadvantages.In
this
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 essay, I will outline the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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.
To begin
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 with, youngsters don’t have many responsibilities
due to
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 their age.
As a result
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, they spend most of their time playing and doing unuseful activities.
Therefore
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age should do unpaid work.
For example
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, helping old
people
Use synonyms
, working in
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 and so on.
Although
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this
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 kind of work is not too difficult for them
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it could teach them a lot,
such
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 as independence and taking
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
.
Moreover
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, it allows them to think about others
as well as
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 it improves their social skills.
On the other hand
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, many individuals argue that the drawbacks are higher than the benefits.
For instance
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, if young
people
Use synonyms
 volunteered, they may face bad
people
Use synonyms
 and because of
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this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they may be in danger.
Moreover
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, the young volunteer might lose their passion
on study
Change preposition
for studying
show examples
 and prefer working
instead
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. Which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to rise the of uneducated citizens.
To sum up
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, the requirement to let youngsters
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 has benefits and disadvantages for the community and citizens.
However
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, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks from my perspective. With the right guidance,
this
Linking Words
 unpaid job will help them and the society.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help improve your logical flow.
task achievement
Add more examples and explain them well to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid short, incomplete sentences to help with the clarity of your writing.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your overall point.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • youngsters
  • unpaid work
  • community
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • responsibility
  • work experience
  • empathy
  • bonds
  • helping one another
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