IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

The pie chart demonstrates
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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figures and rates about
revenue
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sources
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 and expenditures of a children’s charity located in the USA. To start with
revenue
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sources
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, it consists of 2 big
parts
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 and 4 little
parts
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. The most big
part
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 of
revenue
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sources
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 is donated food. It takes
part
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 about 86
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percent
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per cent
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. The second biggest
part
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 is Community Contributions,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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takes
Verb problem
make
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part
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 almost 10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Rest
Correct article usage
The rest
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 of them consist of Program
revenue
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, investment income, government grants, and other income. They take
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parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
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about
Change preposition
in about
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 2.5
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percent
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per cent
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 of
revenue
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sources
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the expenditure of program services generates the biggest
part
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 of the expenditures.
Hence
Linking Words
, almost 95
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percent
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per cent
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 of expenses originate from program services. Other expenses which include Fundraising and Management and General, take
parts
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 about 5
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percent
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per cent
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 completely. In conclusion,
revenue
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sources
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 occur from 53,561,580 dollars and the charity
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 53,224,896 dollars in the year 2016.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to group similar information together more clearly. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to explain all parts of the data provided in the task. Some small parts of the revenue were not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words, such as 'first', 'second', and 'finally', to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more detail about the significance of the figures. Explain why they matter for better task response.
task achievement
You have a good overall understanding of the chart and included key figures in your response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction summarizes the chart clearly, which helps the reader understand the focus of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
What to do next:
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