IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People sleep less than they used to in past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individual's?

Many
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
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 suggest that
criteria
Correct article usage
the criteria
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sleep
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been decreased in today's age, as compared to
past
Add an article
the past
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 decade.
In addition
Linking Words
, the advancement of technology, vast use of electronic devices and social media has
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
 as a cause of less sleep.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has created
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
 impact on people's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
any
Correct your spelling
and
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 physical
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we are living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
twenty first
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
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 century, which is
also
Linking Words
 referred
as
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to as
show examples
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
 age, where each and every human being owns a mobile phone and many advanced gadgets, which has led them to spend
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
 amount of time on social media till late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
. The common issue of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
younge
Correct your spelling
young
younger
genaration
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generation
 is that they are unable to make their sleeping schedule.
For example
Linking Words
,
Harvard
Correct article usage
a Harvard
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university
Capitalize word
University
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 research report
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 found that in England ten out of four adults
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have a sleeping schedule.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of health issues that many
individual's
Change the noun form
individuals
individual
show examples
 are suffering from less sleep,
such
Linking Words
 as insomnia,hair loss
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
obesity etc.
Besides
Linking Words
 these health issues, people who go to bed late are more likely to wake up late in the morning with less energy, which will impact their daily life and work, as they reach their
work place
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workplace
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 with no mood and
tired
Correct article usage
a tired
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 body,
this
Linking Words
 can increase their chance of getting fired.
For instance
Linking Words
, many studies
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 that students who stay awake till late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
 because of peer pressure have
high
Correct article usage
a high
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chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 of getting
a bad habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad habits
a bad habit
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 like eating out
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
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 which can cause several health
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the use of electronic gadgets and taking less
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
interested
 in making a schedule has created
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on people's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and sleep as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.

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Structure
Your introduction could include a clearer thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss. This helps guide the reader.
Coherence
Try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your writing.
Grammar
Be careful with grammar and spelling errors, as they can affect the meaning of your sentences. Proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
Content
You identified the impact of technology on sleep, which is a relevant point.
Structure
Your conclusion summarizes the main arguments, which provides closure to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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