In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
In some nations, despite the decreasing rates of serious
crimes
, people
tend to feel less secure compared to the past. The most obvious causes are previously committed crimes
and the detailed description of such
criminal scenes on the news
, and the most viable solutions are more safety measures in place and detail of any serious case should be banned on the news
.
Sometimes, previously committed crimes
make people
feel less protected. This
is because they still have memories of criminal cases and how they happened in the past. As a result
, they tend to feel insecure whenever a stranger's presence exists. Moreover
, watching the news
which contains detailed cruel acts of criminals also
leads to unsafe feelings. That is
to say, If television and other types of news
media visualize the scene of serious crimes
too realistically, it will potentially result in destructive mental health, making people
afraid of going outdoors and worried about what terrible situation could happen to them. For example
, many studies indicate that several individuals are tendentially anxious about going outside after witnessing news
of serial murders.
A possible solution to this
issue is putting more safety measures in place in order to help people
to feel safer. This
gives people
a sense of security and a way to protect themselves as well as
seek help when they are in danger. Another viable solution is regulating and filtering the information published in news
media. Specifically, choosing what viewers should see helps people
not meet detrimental information about serious criminal cases that potentially lead to damage to mental health. In many nations, the government orders control of details in murders in order to avoid negative effects on national people
.
In conclusion, previously committed crimes
and detailed news
on any serious crimes
can lead to people
feeling less safe. However
, this
can simply be prevented by putting extra safety measures in place and compelling news
channels to stop showing comprehensive details of dangerous crimes
.Submitted by blastion05 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay showed a structured approach with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good practice for coherence. However, you can enhance your coherence further by more effectively linking your paragraphs using a variety of cohesive devices.
task achievement
You managed to provide a few relevant examples to support your points, which is great. To score even higher, consider including a wider variety of specific, detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the causes and solutions regarding the perception of safety, expanding on these ideas more comprehensively by exploring them in greater depth or discussing more varied viewpoints could provide a more rounded response.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear topic sentence in each paragraph that neatly outlines your argument, which greatly aids in understanding and following your points.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and restates your position, which is a strong point for task achievement.
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