Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

The debates about investing money in
Correct article usage
the adults
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adults
Change the noun form
adult
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population, who cannot read and write. Some people think that it is a good idea to develop an
overall
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employment rate,
while
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others disagree with
this
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. They confirm that
this
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would not change any kind of things.
Thus
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,
this
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essay will discuss both views and provide a clear conclusion.
To begin
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with, many types of jobs require both reading and writing skills, and these requirements mean that the opportunity of some people floats away, because of education.
Furthermore
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, spending money on adults' education will definitely increase the employment index,
as well as
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decrease the crime
that is
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influenced by getting jobs. In fact, a good employment index affects a good economy, which leads to an increase in the happiness of humans and the world.
However
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, some are not ready to trust
this
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idea. Mostly, they have faced terrible situations,
for instance
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, they did not get proper learning, because of a lack of access to knowledge, or other factors, so they do not understand and reduce the opportunity to grow up in a better way.
Nevertheless
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, they can change their lives by granting them an opportunity to learn reading and writing skills, which
open ups
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opens up
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many job opportunities.
To conclude
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, we can see these abilities can impact either individuals or the world's economy.
Moreover
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, I totally agree with
this
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, it provides a lot of benefits throughout the country. By the way,
this
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education might be performed at other levels,
such
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as children, who are the future workforce and need a strong foundation.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that they connect well to each other.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points and explain your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You presented a clear argument and acknowledged both sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present and gave a good overview of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • spend
  • money
  • adults
  • population
  • read
  • write
  • agree
  • disagree
  • education
  • basic
  • need
  • programs
  • improve
  • job
  • market
  • economy
  • supporting
  • literacy
  • health
  • choices
  • understanding
  • important
  • information
  • daily
  • life
  • investing
  • reduce
  • poverty
  • levels
  • skills
  • opportunities
  • argue
  • funds
  • children
  • future
  • workforce
  • strong
  • foundation
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