Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
government
Use synonyms
must take care of the societies.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that older people should be
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
care of by teaching them how to read and write. There is
also
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an argument that opposite
this
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idea. In my opinion, I consider that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
needs to invest in young communities.
to begin
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with, the time has passed for the older population to learn and invest in themselves.
In other words
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. They have more responsibilities to do
such
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as their work or taking care of their families, so they will not have time to spend on learning something new.
Moreover
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, the
government
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should provide work that does not need
this
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requirement.
For example
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, mining a cave,
Add an article
the
a
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job does not require any type of reading or writing another point to consider, children are the future of any nation. It is possible to say that, it is
essential
Add an article
an essential
the essential
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thing that the
government
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must spend their time and focus on the younger population because any country in the world will live forever because of how strong the young core
.
Add a missing verb
is.
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In addition
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, building schools and libraries are something important to strengthen the core.
For instance
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, Japan starting to find ways to improve the education system
as well as
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provide normal jobs for the elderly In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that thinking about the future is an essential thing. Many cultures in the world
grows
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grow
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because they think ahead and
that is
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the reason why other countries are more advanced than other

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your view right away.
Task Achievement
Include a little more explanation for your main points. This can help make your ideas clearer and stronger.
Task Achievement
Try to use more examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and show that you understand the topic well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation. Clear writing is important for the reader to understand your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to connect your paragraphs better. Use linking words to show how your ideas are related.
Task Achievement
You have chosen an interesting and relevant topic that can spark discussion.
Task Achievement
Your points about the focus on young people are clear and reasonable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • spend
  • money
  • adults
  • population
  • read
  • write
  • agree
  • disagree
  • education
  • basic
  • need
  • programs
  • improve
  • job
  • market
  • economy
  • supporting
  • literacy
  • health
  • choices
  • understanding
  • important
  • information
  • daily
  • life
  • investing
  • reduce
  • poverty
  • levels
  • skills
  • opportunities
  • argue
  • funds
  • children
  • future
  • workforce
  • strong
  • foundation
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