Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?
One school of thought holds that the authority ought to allocate more resources to people who are working in the art and music industries.
While
I accept that Linking Words
this
perception is just somewhat justifiable, I believe that there are other aspects for the Linking Words
government
to invest in.
On the one hand, it is understandable why individuals who are working as Use synonyms
artists
or Use synonyms
musicians
should earn more Use synonyms
money
from the local authority. Use synonyms
To begin
with, from an economic perspective, Linking Words
government
funding for Use synonyms
artists
and Use synonyms
musicians
can stimulate the economy. By investing in the creative industry, more job opportunities could be created, from art supplies to production companies. Use synonyms
This
would lead to a more vibrant job market and economic growth. Linking Words
Furthermore
, funding Linking Words
artists
and Use synonyms
musicians
can help preserve heritage and traditions. Use synonyms
This
is Linking Words
due to
the fact that many traditional arts are at risk of being lost without financial support from the state. Linking Words
As a result
, Linking Words
government
funding can ensure they are passed down to future generations.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that Linking Words
artists
and Use synonyms
musicians
should not receive Use synonyms
money
from the Use synonyms
government
. One reason is that it is a waste of public Use synonyms
money
for the Use synonyms
government
to invest in the creative industry. Developing countries are prime examples of Use synonyms
this
. Linking Words
Instead
of spending Linking Words
money
on essential Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
such
as Health care, finance, and business services,... the leaders in those countries tend to allocate Linking Words
money
to the entertainment industry, to attract tourists. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
Linking Words
money
could not be compared with core Use synonyms
sectors
, Use synonyms
hence
the state has a budget deficit. Linking Words
Additionally
, another reason is that talented individuals from other vital Linking Words
sectors
will change their jobs to fit in an entertainment role. If inhabitants realize their current salary and benefits cannot be compared with others who work as Use synonyms
musicians
or Use synonyms
artists
, they could change their occupation immediately. Use synonyms
Consequently
, the workforce in terms of finance, and real estate is seriously lacking, Linking Words
hence
the national budget is lacking and the Linking Words
government
cannot support other Use synonyms
sectors
in respect of their investment list.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
it is irrefutable that a number of benefits explain why the Linking Words
government
should allocate Use synonyms
money
for creative individuals, I would contend that several factors mentioned above explain why it is not essential to invest Use synonyms
money
in the entertainment sector from the state budget.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in referring to government funding vs. authority allocation. It seems to fluctuate slightly which can affect clarity.
task achievement
While the essay provided relevant specific examples, further illustrating how investment in health or finance outweighs entertainment's benefits could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Work on expanding the weaker points slightly. For instance, the point about traditional arts preservation might benefit from an additional real-world example or statistic.
coherence cohesion
Include more cohesive devices to smoothly connect one thought to the next. This will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Clearly structured essay with a defined introduction and conclusion that tie back to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
Addresses both sides of the argument before presenting a clear stance, demonstrating balanced analysis.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples supported the arguments well, making them more persuasive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example