IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problem does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

In the past few years, the
lack
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 of fresh
water
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 has become a global issue. The depletion of
this
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 natural
resource
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 has caused a lot of concern.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems related to
this
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 shortage followed by various solutions to tackle
this
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 issue. The first and major problem that
this
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 shortage causes is a substantial rise in the death rate.
Water
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 is one of the most important components needed by humans. Without
this
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 renewable
resource
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, humans will not exist.
For instance
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, in African countries, fresh and clean
water
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 is not easily accessible.
This
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lack
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 of sanitation has led to diseases
such
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 as diarrhoea and cholera. Another problem caused by
this
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 scarce
resource
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 is the
lack
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 of agricultural output. If
this
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resource
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 is not available, farmers are unable to grow their fruits and vegetables, especially during the drought seasons.
This
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 could
also
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 lead to less food available
as well as
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 lower income for farmers. A
lack
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 of food could cause an increase in prices globally.
This
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 reduction in harvest could lead to lower GDP in the economy, which could cause poverty for farmers.
Moreover
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, there are several ways to tackle
this
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 concern.
Firstly
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, the UN could interfere by helping the government monitor the quality of
water
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 and install various infrastructure
such
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 as treatment plants and filters. If treatment plants are installed,
water
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 will undergo multiple processes
such
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 as adding chlorine to kill germs. The outcome of
this
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 would be safe and clean
water
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that is
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 supplied to homes.
Furthermore
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, irrigation systems can be installed to ensure that the crops are getting enough moisture to grow.
This
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 improves the amount of agricultural products, which ensures that there is enough food to avoid hunger and famine. In conclusion, an absence of adequate and clean
water
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 could lead to more deaths as more people are getting sick. It
also
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 leads to less output produced as there is drought in farmlands.
This
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 problem could be solved by the interference of the UN and the government.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas with transition words for better flow.
task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what will be discussed.
task achievement
You've identified key problems and solutions related to the water shortage.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water scarcity
  • irrigation
  • contaminated
  • waterborne diseases
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • pandemics
  • economic downturn
  • social unrest
  • food security
  • resource management
  • conservation efforts
  • sustainable
  • desalination
  • rainwater harvesting
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