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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

While some think that art is an important subject for children too study, others think it is waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

While
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 globalisation has brought rapid technological change to everyday life, modern companies now demand highly skilled workers
due to
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 intense competition and a growing number of university graduates.
As a result
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, many parents worry about their children’s future stability and encourage them to focus on high-paying careers.
This
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 leads to a common debate: is
art
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 an important subject for young people, or is it a waste of time? In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both views. In many developing countries today, governments do not prioritise
art
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education
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 in school curriculums.
As a result
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, many students grow up thinking that
art
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 is less important than
science
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 or
technology
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.
This
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 belief is often driven by the idea that careers in
science
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 and tech offer higher salaries.
For example
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, in Thailand, several newspapers have reported that
science
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 and
technology
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 faculties receive far more applications from high school students compared to
art
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 faculties.
This
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 shows how social pressure and job markets influence
education
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 choices.
On the other hand
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,
art
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 is a valuable subject that helps develop creative thinking, imagination, and problem-solving—skills that are needed in many career fields, including
science
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 and
technology
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. Even famous scientists like Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein used imagination and creativity to make their discoveries. Hawking once said that imagination is more important than knowledge.
This
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 proves that artistic thinking is not only for artists
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 plays a key role in innovation and discovery. In conclusion,
while
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 many people believe that
science
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 and
technology
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 should be the main focus
in
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of
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education
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, I believe that
art
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 is equally important. It helps children develop skills like teamwork, communication, and creative thinking.
Therefore
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, governments and
education
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 authorities should aim to create a balanced curriculum that includes both
art
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 and
science
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 to support children’s full development.

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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on the points you make. This will help in explaining your ideas fully.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow of ideas by using more linking words such as 'however', 'furthermore', or 'for instance'.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely ties together your main argument.
task achievement
You provided good examples that relate to your argument, showing your understanding of the topic.
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