IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the average percentages in typical of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The chart below shows the average percentages in typical of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The pie chart depicts the share of four main meals of the day in the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of three unhealthy ingredients namely sodium, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the United States.
Overall
Linking Words
, Dinner contributes the biggest portion to the total
intake
Use synonyms
 of sodium and saturated fat,
while
Linking Words
 breakfast accounts for the least amount of ingredients among all three meals, which makes it the healthiest meal of the day. Dinner accounts for 43% of total daily sodium
intake
Use synonyms
. That proportion is 6% and 20% smaller in the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
. The share of breakfast and lunch in the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of the former ingredient are roughly similar,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of the former in total fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 16%. The latter accounts for 21% and 42%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of total daily fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
. The midday meal comprises more
ore
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 less one-third of the first two ingredients
daily
Change preposition
of daily
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
, and one-fifth of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 daily
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, sugar, intake with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: