IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Educating children is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important duty of parents and nowadays, it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a daunting task to decide where to educate your infant. One part of society believes teaching youth at
home
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
better as guardians can supervise their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 others think by sending them
Use synonyms
school
Fix the infinitive
to school
show examples
, they can develop their personality.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
school
Use synonyms
 is the best place to educate children and I will discuss
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 belief in upcoming paragraphs. There are numerous reasons which make parents
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
think of teaching their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
First
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The first
show examples
 and foremost reason is, they can keep an eye on their offspring's activities for
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
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 day which helps their
child
Use synonyms
 to not indulge in bad activities and not get distracted from their studies.
This
Linking Words
 will help them to make good
concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
 on their work.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by learning at
home
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 can learn ethics and good manners from their guardians as they can teach how to behave with elders and youngsters. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, a
studies
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study
show examples
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that 87% of students who study at
home
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, behave more nicely than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 learn at
school
Use synonyms
. On the other side of
book
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the book
show examples
, studying at
school
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial as students have diversity to make connections which
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their interpersonal and public speaking skills. In schools, there are many competitions which boost student's capability of speaking in front of individuals which in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them in different phases of life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have opportunities to participate in sports which is
also
Linking Words
 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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 and mental growth of
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
the coorporate
show examples
coorporate
Correct your spelling
corporate
 sector,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been noticed that individuals who completed their education from
school
Use synonyms
 are more proficient in communication and are more confident
while
Linking Words
 giving interviews and dealing with customers. In a nutshell, to give
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 a protective environment to study, nothing is better than their own house but,
however
Linking Words
, for their
overall
Linking Words
 development, I strongly believe they
shoudl
Correct your spelling
should
 be sent to schools.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and you have discussed the advantages of both methods. However, try to provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will improve the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your essay. Use linking words more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, which will help the reader follow your argument better.
grammar & spelling
Make sure to proofread your work to catch small mistakes in spelling and grammar. For example, 'shoudl' should be 'should,' and 'coorporate' should be 'corporate.' This will improve the overall quality of your writing.
structure
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, and your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized learning
  • cater
  • flexible schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • socialization
  • diversity awareness
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • punctuality
  • resources and facilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • specialized subjects
  • experts
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