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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days,
due to
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 an upgraded lifestyle, mobile
phones
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 have become a crucial part of every human's life, and most
people
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 are engaged on their
phones
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 during their leisure time. In my opinion, the major reason behind
this
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 scenario is the multifunctionality and ease of access to
information
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 in smartphones that attracts
people
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.
However
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, it is a negative development as many individuals have become addicted to it, which in turn causes plenty of health issues. Undoubtedly, smartphones have made the lives of human beings easier
due to
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 the accessibility of
information
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 around the corner around
clock
Correct article usage
the clock
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.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the availability of distinct applications and regular
upgradation
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upgrades
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 in them,
people
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 even plan their day-to-day tasks using their tablets or
phones
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.
For example
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, in most offices today, there is a use of digital planners just to avoid paper and keep
people
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 updated about the
information
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 every minute.
Consequently
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,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 spend their free hours playing digital games
instead
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 of traditional ones and keep checking their
phones
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 on a regular basis.
However
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,
this
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 development has plenty of demerits for individuals as
people
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;
instead
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 of doing physical recreational activities, they have started spending their precious leisure time on their digital gadgets,
resultantly
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resulting
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 getting health issues
such
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 as obesity, heart-related and many other types of diseases.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some
people
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 start getting overwhelmed and comparing their lives to the
people
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 they see on social media, which impacts them negatively.
Consequently
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, there is an increase in cases of depression and anxiety issues.
For instance
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, a study conducted by Harvard University has proven that the cause of depression among the majority of young
people
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 is their overuse of
phones
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 and media. In conclusion, the availability of
information
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 and increasing dependency on applications for planning daily tasks are the main reasons for investing the free time by
people
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 on
phones
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, which impacts the
life
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lives
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 of
people
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 negatively, as they cause health problems
due to
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 addiction caused by them.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer paragraphs to show each idea. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea that connects well to the next.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and word choices. Some sentences can be simpler and clearer for better understanding.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a personal opinion and provides reasons for that opinion.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example from a study adds credibility to the argument and helps explain the point clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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