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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Parents today often tend to organise extra classes on weekends or even after school. Do you believe this is at all useful? Or, do you think the education provided in school is sufficient?

It is observed that today's parents create extra
classes
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 in their children's spare time because they think that schools do not provide enough education. I firmly believe that school curricula are sufficiently appropriate to ensure
students
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' knowledge because it is well-prepared
while
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 extra
classes
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 seem redundant and mentally damaging to
students
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.
Initially
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, it must be acknowledged that curricula are helpful for
students
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' literacy.
In other words
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, educational institutions annually invest an enormous amount of money in researching teaching methods and courses that are academically suitable in order to drive
students
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 to access to deeper profession pool and explore their full potential.
For instance
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, The USA provide a wide range of subjects -
such
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 as art, literature and math - for
students
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 to study, rather than focusing solely on science subjects.
As a result
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, the
students
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 gain more opportunities to perform all of their talents. One reason why extra
classes
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 are mostly useless is they teach
students
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 about things that
students
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 are taught. To clarify, extra syllabuses can only provide information that
students
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 have been taught at schools because the main purpose of them is to train the
students
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 until they can inform anything in a matter of minutes.
Consequently
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, the
students
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 do not only learn anything new and practical, but they
also
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 waste their time, which can be spent to foster their personal growth in terms of qualities and social wisdom. To exemplify, numerous Asian households frequently force children to review their lessons until they completely retain them, which in turn passive and overreliant children. Another invisible threat of extra
classes
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 is harming the
students
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' mentality.
That is
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 to say,
while
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 the school syllabuses are getting more and more difficult for
students
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, they do not even have time for relaxing in order to free their minds.
This
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 may lead to impaired mental health and cause long-term problems relating to behaviours and communication.
For instance
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, US research suggests that
students
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 who do not sleep enough 8 hours per day may be mentally exacerbated.
This
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 proves that extra
classes
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 should be prohibited so as to protect
students
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' mental fitness. In conclusion, I strongly believe school education is sufficient for
students
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 to develop themselves,
whereas
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 extra courses are not useful and fundamental
due to
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 risks of mental issues and redundant knowledge.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion or argument clearly.
task achievement
Try to clarify your main points with more clear examples so that your ideas come across better.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help your ideas connect better.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is great for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, showing good structure overall.
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