IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual‘s responsibility. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate regarding whether the government should shoulder the costs of
healthcare
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 and
education
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 or if individuals should be held responsible for their own expenses. I firmly believe that these fundamental
services
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 should be funded by the state, as they are essential human rights, despite the financial challenges that may arise in doing so. One of the key reasons for advocating government-funded
healthcare
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 and
education
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 is that access to these
services
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 is a basic civil right. It is crucial that every individual, regardless of their financial standing, is given the opportunity to benefit from quality
healthcare
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 and
education
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. Citizens from disadvantaged backgrounds,
in particular
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, should receive more support, as they may face greater financial hardship. By providing these
services
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, the government enables all individuals to contribute to society more effectively.
For instance
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, when the state finances
education
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, it allows people from lower-income families to access opportunities for self-improvement, which can ultimately drive societal progress.
However
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, some critics argue that government expenditure on these sectors could place a significant burden on the economy. They suggest that if the state were to fund
healthcare
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 and
education
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 entirely, it would lose a substantial amount of revenue, which is typically generated from taxes and fees collected from individuals. They
also
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 point out that the public sector may struggle to maintain the necessary infrastructure to support these
services
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.
While
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 these concerns are valid, evidence from countries with well-established public
healthcare
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 and
education
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 systems,
such
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 as the Scandinavian nations, demonstrates that universal access to these
services
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 can actually strengthen the economy.
For example
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, Sweden’s model of free
education
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 and
healthcare
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 has resulted in a highly educated workforce, which in turn drives innovation and economic growth. In conclusion, I strongly believe that governments should provide free
healthcare
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 and
education
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 to all citizens, as these
services
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 are essential for social and economic development.
While
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 the financial implications of
such
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 policies are significant, the long-term benefits of fostering a healthy, educated, and productive population far outweigh the short-term economic costs. Governments must prioritize the well-being and empowerment of their citizens, ensuring equal opportunities for all.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear, but you could make your main argument stronger by briefly summarizing your points. This would guide the reader better.
task achievement
Ensure every example directly supports your main point. While your examples are relevant, adding more specific details can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is strong, but you can echo the points made in the essay to tie everything together better. This makes your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion and support it with logical reasoning. Your arguments are relevant and meaningful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs that follow a good order, which helps in understanding your points.
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