IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food,clothes and entartainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is no denying the fact
of
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apply
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how important to make the
kids
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take
Correct your spelling
make
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 their own decisions .
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
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 when children make their own
choices
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 may affect them in a bad way, there is
also
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 an argument that
go
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goes
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 with
taken
Verb problem
making
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Use synonyms
Change preposition
by kids
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kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
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choices
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will affect them In a good way.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. ON one hand, people who believe growing should not be allowed
kids
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 to
take
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make
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 their own decisions have a point
due to
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 many
these
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of these
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choices
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 let the
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kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 believe they can do what
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to do without any regard for society
In other words
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, the
kid
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 should knowing about the system and follow the community.
for example
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, uniforms in schools it's necessary for
kids
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 to know about Community decisions.
On the other hand
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, people who believe in how importance of their
kids
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 making their own
choices
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 have a point. it is
also
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 possible to say that
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 Simple
choicechoices
Correct your spelling
choice choices
 will affect
on
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apply
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Their personalities and make them more confident and strong.
Moreover
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, every person in life even when it is only a
kid
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 is supposed to feel that his opinion is heard.
For instance
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, when the
kid
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 makes any decision He will feel important in society. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question, On balance,
however
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, I strongly believe that children have to make their own
choices
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents both views and your opinion. This helps readers understand the essay's direction.
coherence
Use clear topics for each paragraph. Each paragraph should discuss only one main idea which connects to your overall argument.
coherence
Check your spelling errors like 'entartainment' and 'go with taken kids choices'. These errors can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples that show how children's choices improve their confidence or how lack of choices can be negative.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced view.
coherence
Your conclusion is clear and reflects your opinion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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