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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the
last
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 decade, many
people
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 have widely debated about the usage of electronic devices. Some agree that they spend a lot of their leisure
time
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 using mobile phones. Personally, I believe
this
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 can be a negative
trend
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 and there could be several causes for
this
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. One major reason for
this
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 development is the availability of many features and functionality of modern smartphones including social media, cameras, clocks, entertainment, and weather forecasts. Many
people
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 whenever they have free
time
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,
for instance
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, tend to scroll their phones to relax and unwind because they have many options. Another primary cause for
this
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 is addiction. Nowadays, the majority of youngsters seem to be addicted to various mobile games and apps. In their free
time
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,
for example
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, they want to play their favourite virtual game which they find a great pleasure. There are two major drawbacks to
this
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trend
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. One of the main disadvantages is that
this
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 can significantly affect
people
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's mental and physical well-being. Since they tend to use their mobiles for spending free
time
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, rather than investing that
time
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 in exercise or any other hobbies
such
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 as gardening, cooking, swimming, and reading. Recent research shows that in the USA, most
people
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 tend to suffer from mental issues
due to
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 the extensive use of smartphones.
Furthermore
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,
this
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trend
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 leads to a lack of human interactions. As many
people
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 allocate their free
time
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 to connect with their devices, they may not have
time
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 to have a conversation with their loved ones.
As a result
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 of
this
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, face-to-face interactions might disappear and
people
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 may feel disconnected from each other. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed the main root causes of
this
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trend
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 and its impact on society. In my opinion,
due to
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 the extensive usage of smartphones not only negatively impacts
people
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's health but
also
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 social interactions.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction by stating your main points more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and examples that support it.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
You present good reasons for smartphone usage and its effects.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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