IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the previous days, Old
Age
Use synonyms
 homes were not considered as the most appropriate place for aged people.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays, not only do old individuals stay comfortably over there, but they
also
Linking Words
 enjoy staying with their peers of the same
age
Use synonyms
 group for the rest of their lives. In these homes, when someone's health gets bad,
then
Linking Words
 I strongly believe that the Family has to bear the cost of their
care
Use synonyms
, not the government. To commence with, there are several reasons that bolster my opinion. First of all, I truly believe that the first and foremost priority of any grown-up individual is to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
 in their old
age
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 because they are the ones, who have supported you in every other phase of life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it's the payback time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
expenses
Correct article usage
the expenses
show examples
 of the
parents
Use synonyms
 in any form,
for example
Linking Words
- medicines, health
care
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, hygiene and diet need to be taken
care
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 of by their kids and never let their
parents
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 think or feel like their kids are doing any type of
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe that It's the government who needs to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the expense of health-related issues because every person has paid a huge amount of taxes during their work life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that the government can support them in their old
age
Use synonyms
 from all these problems. To sum it up, I want to remind every grown-up person, that their foremost responsibility is to support their
parents
Use synonyms
 in every stage of their life as they are the ones who have done all these things for you, without any expectations.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your argument. This will help to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas and sections across the essay. This will improve the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using more complex sentences to improve overall quality.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the issue right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You show a strong sense of responsibility towards family values, which gives your essay emotional weight.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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