IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

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some believe that it is important to be accepting of negative circumstances when they occur
whereas
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 others emphasize that it is better to seek
solutions
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 in
such
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 situations.
This
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 essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe that the arguments for seeking
solutions
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 are stronger. There are two main reasons why people believe that we must be accepting of bad
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
. First of all, we often cannot avoid bad situations
hence
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 it is better to accept the reality.
For instance
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, if the company we work for goes bankrupt, economic downturns will affect all the employees,
hence
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 we should not feel hard done if we lose our jobs.
In addition
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, unnecessary stress can disturb our focus on the next steps.
Therefore
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, if we accept the circumstances
this
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 can allow us to maintain a positive mood and to continue enjoying our life despite a setback.
However
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, others including me argue that we should have a proactive attitude and find situations to any negative predicament. The main benefit of
this
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 approach is that it may lead to motivate us to find possible
solutions
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. To illustrate better, if a young employee working as a basic programmer in an IT company
that is
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 shortening its workforce comes up with a new idea for the management, he may be upgraded to the management department rather than losing his lower-stage job.
Furthermore
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, believing in our abilities will yield a definite feeling of empowerment and solving
further
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 problems. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have merits.
However
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, I believe it is better to focus on finding
solutions
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 because it increases the likelihood of overcoming that issue and maintaining a positive mental attitude which is far more important than the benefits of avoiding stress through being accepting of our circumstances.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. In your second body paragraph, you mention an example of a young employee, but it could be elaborated further or strengthened with more context to better illustrate your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are clearly outlined, consider improving the transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using more varied linking words can help clarify relationships between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to refine your grammar and sentence structure to eliminate minor inaccuracies that could distract the reader. For example, 'find situations to any negative predicament' could be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear opinion and outlines the main points that will be discussed, which is effective in guiding the reader on what to expect. The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of both perspectives on the topic and have presented coherent arguments for your position. Your point about maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity is well articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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