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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts provide information about the proportion of a variety of methods to access the
news
Use synonyms
 in Canada and
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of TV and the element ‘not specified’ shows much less difference
while
Linking Words
 the other three categories namely, radio, print, and online illustrate some.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the proportion of Canadian TV users for the
news
Use synonyms
 accounts for
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of all, which is 3% higher than that of
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in regards to the non-specified element, there is only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% gap between Canada and
Australia
Use synonyms
 in the percentage, at 3% and at 2% respectively. Turning to the other aspects, the proportion of online access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
news
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 makes up about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half at 52%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, that of Canada is 36%, which is almost the same as the figure for Australian TV users.
In addition
Linking Words
, regarding radio users, the Canadian figure shows 7%, meaning the number is more than three times that of
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, concerning the printed
news
Use synonyms
, the figure for
Canadian
Fix the agreement mistake
Canadians
show examples
 is twice that for
Aunstralian
Correct your spelling
Australians
, at 14% and 7% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words news, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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