IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A lot of adolescents who finish high school tend to spend a
year
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 travelling or working before they start their
studies
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 at university.
This
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 experience of activities outside academics provides them with some advantages when coming back to education. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because of stimulation in terms of perspectives and because of attaining more
knowledge
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 outside their majors which might be helpful in their academics. To start with, experiencing a variety of things
besides
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 studying can contribute to broadening their cultural
knowledge
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, which is essential after entering university
as well as
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 entering a job market.
This
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 is because working with a different group of people from all walks of life and experiencing foreign cultures as a first-hand experience stimulates their brains, leading them to think in various ways and with differing perspectives.
For example
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,
according to
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 a public opinion poll conducted by the Japanese government in 2022, it is said that 90% of young people who lived in foreign countries for a certain period of time can think and act more resourcefully when facing challenges at work or in
studies
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 than those who spent their entire life in their nations.
Moreover
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, by taking a gap
year
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 and experiencing work or travel, teenagers can actually deepen their
studies
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, which might be more beneficial to their academic futures.
This
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 is attributed to a wider variety of thinking ways and more
knowledge
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 based on their experience outside their majors. To illustrate
this
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, in China, a preponderance of high school teachers encourage their students to study abroad or to work before entering college as it is beneficial for them to study their future majors at a deeper level.
As a result
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, a majority of universities in China are said to be on the list of most famous universities in the world. In conclusion, it is said that it brings some benefits for a large number of youth to spend a
year
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 outside their
studies
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such
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 as going abroad or participating in an internship. I completely concur with
this
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 viewpoint as
this
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 kind of
year
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 can lead you to
further
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 development in your
knowledge
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 and can help your academic goals become more successful in the future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your argument. Sometimes, ideas can be mixed up.
task achievement
Try to provide a clearer overview in the introduction about what you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Strong use of examples to support your points, particularly about cultural experiences.
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Non-academic life
  • Resume
  • Job market
  • Personal development
  • Broaden their worldviews
  • Academic pressures
  • Renewed focus
  • Loss of academic momentum
  • Career goals
  • Informed decisions
  • Soft skills
  • Communication
  • Problem-solving
  • Adaptability
  • Financial burden
  • Prolonged break
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