IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think are this is a positive or negative development.

The issue of using electronic devices for
long
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a long
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times
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time
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 has sparked a significant debate between those
how
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who
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 believe that it is unhealthy attitude and
other
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others
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 who advocate the importance of these technologies to finish
works
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work
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. Both views have their own merits and demerits and I will explain my opinion with related examples in the following essay. There are numerous pros
behind
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to
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 using digital devices.
Firstly
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, it offers easy access to entertainment. To illustrate, It contains thousands of games, videos, books, and huge markets.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mobile phones pave the way for humans all over the world to contacts simply.
For instance
Linking Words
, immigrations can meet with their families by online applications.
This
Linking Words
 improvement makes their life better and eases the pain of living far away from home.
Finally
Linking Words
, Artificial Intelligence enhances productivity.
This
Linking Words
 means that these technologies support folk to deal with their tasks rapidly and accurately.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are multiple cons of using these tech tools consistently. Most and foremost, IT may cause health issues.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 Eye disease.
Therefore
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, Doctors urge
to
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us to
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 avoid sitting
front
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in front
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 of the screens for long hours.
Furthermore
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, social media platforms contribute to
reduce
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reducing
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 face-to-face interactions.
This
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lead
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leads
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 some communities to isolate themselves from their friends and the societies
around
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around them
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, digital
phons
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phones
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 contain various vital information that could be hacked. To clarify,
New
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the New
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york
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York
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news paper
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newspaper
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, revealed that multiple users
were
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apply
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lost their data and became threatened individuals in
this
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 new world. On balance, I would argue that smartphones are helping people to upgrade their
life style
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lifestyle
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 level. It is really helpful but
also
Linking Words
 we need to be careful when we are putting our details
in
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on
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 uncertain websites.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that tells the reader your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to help with the structure.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly using linking words, like 'however' or 'for example'.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are relevant and explained clearly; avoid vague statements.
task achievement
You provided good examples of how smartphones can help people connect and work better.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the positive and negative sides of using smartphones.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
What to do next:
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