IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Mobile phone usage is held responsible for a lot of medical, social and technical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the advantages offered by mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that many people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 using smart devices on a daily basis for a long
time
Use synonyms
 which has raised considerable concerns
such
Linking Words
 as social, health and technical problems. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss the possible forms of these issues and whether its benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, mobile phones are used by younger individuals and their parents must pay attention to what their children are watching.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many contents on the Internet speaking about unethical values
as well as
Linking Words
 violent videos. Another point to consider, the majority of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 complaining that they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to
ware
Correct your spelling
wear
show examples
 eyeglasses after the long
time
Use synonyms
 spent scrolling
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their phones.
For example
Linking Words
,
opthalmic
Correct your spelling
ophthalmic
 doctors have reported that as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen
time
Use synonyms
 increases, the need for eyeglasses
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 more crucial which negatively impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's health. In terms of the
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 advantages of these devices,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 made our life much easier as we have new
servieces
Correct your spelling
services
 are done with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, people can order from the supermarket with a click of
button
Add an article
a button
show examples
 which saves
time
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the community is more connected together. To illustrate, we can check the new, new offers and more
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many positive aspects of
this
Linking Words
 new technology. It is
also
Linking Words
 true that it should be used responsibly and
carfully
Correct your spelling
carefully
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main point. Try to connect your ideas better and improve flow between sentences.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more examples or explanations. This will help strengthen your argument and provide more clarity.
task achievement
You clearly stated the main issues related to mobile phone use, which is a good start for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines the topics you will discuss, which helps the reader understand what to expect.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: