IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people focus on news in their country, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

a majority of people pay more attention to the local
news
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 ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe worldwide
news
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 is a must to be aware of, I see the value in both sides of
this
Linking Words
 statement ,and I will discuss both views and give my opinion .
to begin
Linking Words
 with , focusing on worldwide
news
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 is important to know everything that can be good for your
country
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 or bad , In fact , to be updated on a daily basis makes you more updated on other countries and what connection to your
country
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also
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,
in other words
Linking Words
, to have the knowledge on other countries and what your
country
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 political abroad and if it has a good or bad connection ,
for example
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, there was a study published in 2011 by New York University asking 100 people about outside affairs of their
country
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's half of them were pleased
while
Linking Words
 others were other half had no knowledge because they don't watch
news
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 .
on the other hand
Linking Words
, concentrating on the local
news
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 can improve the
country
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 itself, in fact, it could help to choose the man who is in power and become a part of developing the community , what I mean is , that if you were focused on the local
news
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 you could help your
country
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 ,
for example
Linking Words
 , if there were votes to elect the Ministry of Labour the only way to know is by focusing on the local
news
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 and watching it . in conclusion, focusing on the worldwide
news
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 and the local
news
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 are both important whether to see countries outside the connection or to help enchase your countryinternally.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could be more engaging. Try to start with a general statement about the importance of news.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Some examples need more detail or explanation. Try to elaborate on your points to give a clearer picture.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and covered both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The idea of local news impacting community choices is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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