IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students may choose subjects as per their preferences in high school which will enhance their knowledge and polish their skills . I agree with the statement because students should have
choice
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the choice
a choice
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 to complete their senior secondary school in any subject. To commence with , a wide range of courses are available in the schools which is viable because of the technology and joint efforts of the school management.
Hence
Linking Words
, pupils have
liberty
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the liberty
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 to
enroll
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enrol
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vocational courses which
provides
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provide
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 hands-on practice to improve their talent.
Moreover
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, they can flourish their own business and simultaneously , expand their horizons .
For instance
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 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Sanjeev Kapoor who is a renowned chef has more than 2.5 million followers on
the
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apply
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Instagram and
also
Linking Words
 telecast a
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 cookery show which is viable because he opt
vocational
Correct article usage
a vocational
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 course at
very
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a very
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 young age . To add more , when learners pursue
in
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apply
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their interesting fields they feel immense happiness and give their 100% to achieve their goals and ambitions . They are able to complete their tasks without stress and anxiety which is a spectacular accomplishment for their physical and mental growth.
Furthermore
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, they can enjoy every part of their classes which exhilarates their confidence and enthusiasm .
For instance
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, as per the survey, children who choose their favourite subjects in their academic field become more successful.
To conclude
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, parents and teachers should provide them
adequate
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with adequate
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 support
and
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apply
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stand by their side in convoluted situations and allow them to have
a
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apply
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courses as per their preferences which is really crucial for their growth

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support it well.
task achievement
Improve your conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly.
task achievement
Add more examples that relate directly to your main points to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and provides a personal opinion.
task achievement
You included some relevant examples to support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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