IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should humans adapt to technology or should technology adapt to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days,
technology
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 use has become more prevalent in the community which can be observed in every aspect of life. From my standpoint,
people
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 should adjust to the development of technologies, as the proper use of these devices alleviates most daily duties.
This
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 essay will explain why
people
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 should adapt to
technology
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 and discuss how technological tools help individuals to become smarter. On the one hand, in the modern world,
people
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 should follow
technology
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, as it is able to be more analyze occasions more objectively and decide more accurately.
For instance
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, psychologists argue that most lawyers have a tendency to trust criminals despite conditions.
Nevertheless
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, sometimes, offenders exploit it and become more emotional and tell some fake details in order to be a deterrent.
As a result
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, they are not sentenced to sufficient fines and penalties.
By contrast
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, robots are able to be more precise and fair, since they do not possess any feeling.
Thus
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, I believe that if
people
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 adjust themselves to
technology
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,
such
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 matters can be solved immediately. In my opinion, the prevalence of technological devices supports the community to be intellectually stronger. Particularly, online education is of paramount importance in the twenty-first century.
For example
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, online courses and instructive YouTube videos help
people
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 to obtain relevant and accurate information.
Furthermore
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, they do not come with some time and distance limitations , unlike traditional learning. A recent study conducted by researchers at Imperial College London shows that students who prefer autonomous learning with the assistance of technological tools,
such
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 as computers and smartphones,
instead
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 of teacher-led lessons are 40% more likely to achieve their goals. In conclusion, I consider that modern life requires adaptation to technologies
,
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apply
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 because it is a promising way of judging offenders properly.
Moreover
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, unlike offline learning, these devices provide easy access for enthusiastic learners to excel in their specific branches.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to tie your ideas together more clearly with linking words. Use phrases like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more clear examples to support your main points. This will help the reader understand your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making sentences clearer and simpler, as some sentences are a bit complex and hard to follow.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear view and sticks to one main idea about adapting to technology.
task achievement
You have made effective use of examples, such as online education, to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adaptation
  • cognitive overload
  • user-friendly interface
  • information accessibility
  • critical thinking
  • superficial interactions
  • reliance on technology
  • problem-solving skills
  • communication styles
  • online etiquette
  • engagement
  • reinforcement of skills
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