IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers. Include a relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent times,It is crucial for individuals to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
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take a chance in their job
as well as
Linking Words
 personal
life
Use synonyms
 .
Although
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 it has numerous benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to become successful,there are a few
impediment
Change to a plural noun
impediments
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 like
a
Correct article usage
apply
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failure
Use synonyms
 and mental deficiencies,I strongly believe that the benefits of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 generally outweigh the drawbacks. One of the prominent advantages of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 in work
life
Use synonyms
 is that it leads to growth in
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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.
That is
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 to say, many individuals commence their own business by taking the risk by refusing to work under the employer.
Although
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 a job leads to a secure future , chances to become successful :financially and independent
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more when a person takes
risks
Use synonyms
 and becomes the owner of their own company.
For example
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, Elan Musk who is the richest person in the world gained
this
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 designation by opening his own company called Tesla which is the number one organization in the world.
Therefore
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, without taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is not possible to achieve accomplishment in
life
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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 , In personal
life
Use synonyms
 ,Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 move to other countries to fulfil their dreams by taking
risks
Use synonyms
 to relocate to new places, cultures and different atmospheres.
In other words
Linking Words
,moving to a new nation might lead to language barriers,bullying and racism.
Hence
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, By taking
risks
Use synonyms
 many people move to new areas
as a result
Linking Words
 they find progress in their lives.
On the contrary
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,risking
not
Add a missing verb
does not
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 always mean profit,sometimes it leads to
failure
Use synonyms
 and mental health issues , especially in those who work with dedication and perseverance.
However
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, even
failure
Use synonyms
 teaches valuable lessons and builds resilience, which is essential for future progress. The key is to take informed
risks
Use synonyms
 rather than reckless ones.
To conclude
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,
while
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 adverts have numerous drawbacks which lead to
failure
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
 , Their advantages outweigh the drawbacks because
despite
Add the comma(s)
, despite
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
success , risk-taking
also
Linking Words
 teaches lessons that are necessary for the future.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly introduce your main idea in the introduction. It will help the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence
Try to create clearer connections between your ideas. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to guide the reader.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example of Elon Musk, which adds strength to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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