IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?

The topic of whether youngsters are becoming more uncontrollable
due to
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
' hectic schedule.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as lack of supervision and emotional neglect make them feel solitude;
although
Linking Words
 some still believe younger people are badly influenced by their peers and the media. One of the core reasons is that the increasing demands of work have led to many
parents
Use synonyms
 spending less time with their
children
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
parents
Use synonyms
 are constantly working, they are physically and emotionally absent from the home environment.
This
Linking Words
 comes to parental presence as there is no one there to correct their
misbehavior
Change the spelling
misbehaviour
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
leads
Correct pronoun usage
this leads
show examples
 to their poor habits developing without any supervision.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, where most
children
Use synonyms
 are left alone
due to
Linking Words
 both
parents
Use synonyms
 working,
this
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 has been associated with poor
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 outcomes. Another point worth considering is that unconnected rapport makes them feel emotionally neglected. To be more specific,
children
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of being ignored by their
parents
Use synonyms
, and they will try to get their attention by acting out. With
this
Linking Words
 in mind, they will develop aggression and low self-esteem
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s
parents
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 long hours for days and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them face
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 issues.
However
Linking Words
, some argue that youngsters nowadays critically influence themselves through peers and social media.
This
Linking Words
 is because
children
Use synonyms
 often expose themselves to their friends and social platforms more than the time they spend with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is true to a certain extent, even though those risks are strong forces, it is still possible to stop them only whether
parents
Use synonyms
 want to actively guide their
children
Use synonyms
 or not. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some argue that the main factor making
children
Use synonyms
 undisciplined is mostly peers and social media, without
parents
Use synonyms
’ monitor and lack of emotion towards their
children
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Try to connect your ideas more clearly to show the relationship between them.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to make your points stronger and clearer. Personal or well-known examples can help illustrate your ideas better.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to restate your main argument more clearly. It should summarize your points and reaffirm your position clearly.
positive
You have a clear position on the issue and discuss the topic in a thoughtful way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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