IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

In a lot
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
stress
Correct quantifier usage
more stress
show examples
 higher than before, in
this
Linking Words
 write I
wii
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss the
reasons
Use synonyms
 why the number of
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 is increasing these
days
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think one of the
mein
Correct your spelling
main
show examples
reasons
Use synonyms
 why
people
Use synonyms
 have
stress
Use synonyms
 these
days
Use synonyms
 more than before, is the high
hours
Change to a genitive case
hour's
hours'
show examples
 jobs, more hours
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mean
people
Use synonyms
 have to work more, and that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
Use synonyms
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 because
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 do not have enough time to spend wot
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 families or friends or do whatever
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 want to do, almost all of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 day go to work and that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them
stress
Use synonyms
, these type of jobs was not
commen
Correct your spelling
common
 in the past, because of that I
tkink
Correct your spelling
think
 one of the mien
reasons
Use synonyms
 why the
stress
Use synonyms
 is increasing these
days
Use synonyms
. Another reason in my opinion why
people
Use synonyms
stress
Use synonyms
 more
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
days
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media, on
this
Linking Words
 time
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 will see the popular or rich
people
Use synonyms
 and want to be like them and
stress
Use synonyms
 about that if they will be like them or not, but the thing that
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 do not think about is
people
Use synonyms
 in social media only post the happy side from their
life
Use synonyms
 and your
life
Use synonyms
 will never be like the
life
Use synonyms
 that they post because no one is 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 happy is his
life
Use synonyms
 because of that
people
Use synonyms
stress
Use synonyms
 these
days
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
Linking Words
 question, and there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 many other
reasons
Use synonyms
, but
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
reasons
Use synonyms
 I say in my opinion I think why
people
Use synonyms
stress
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
days
Use synonyms
 more than in the past.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state the main topic, and avoid spelling mistakes. For example, use 'this essay' instead of 'in this write'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear and simple sentences. For instance, instead of 'mein reasons,' use 'main reasons.' Make sure you spell words correctly, like 'their' instead of 'thier.'
task achievement
Add more examples to show your points. Instead of just saying 'social media causes stress', you could provide an example of how someone feels stressed about not looking like social media stars.
task achievement
You identified two main causes of stress, which is a good start for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You ended your essay with a conclusion that wraps up your thoughts. This is a positive aspect in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: