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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway system in six cities. Summarize where relevant

The table below gives information about the underground railway system in six cities. Summarize where relevant
This
Linking Words
 table shows some underground
railway
Use synonyms
systems
Change the noun form
system
show examples
 information in six
cities
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
,in these six
cities
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,London,Paris and Tokyo opened earlier than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
cities
Use synonyms
 (Washington DC,Kyoto and Los Angeles).Comparing data opened,the same situation could be noticed in kilometres of
route
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 and
passengers
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 per
year
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.The former three
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cities'underground
Correct your spelling
cities underground
railway
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 length and the
number
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 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
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 are higher than later
cities
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. In former
cities
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,the data opened of Londen is the earliest (in 1863) and
this
Linking Words
 city boasts the longest kilometres of
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route
Add an article
the route
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(394km),followed by,Pairs'skilometers of
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route
Add an article
the route
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 is 199km and opened in 1900,
however
Linking Words
,the length of
railway
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 in Tokyo is shortest at 155km and opened lastest in these three
cities
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.But the situation is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 in
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
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.The
number
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 of
passengers
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 in Tokyo is highest with 1927
million
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.
Insteadly
Correct your spelling
Instead
,the
Use synonyms
passengers
Correct quantifier usage
number of passengers
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 per
year
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 in London is the lowest(775
million
Use synonyms
).
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the kilometres of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 and
passengers
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 per
year
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 in Washington DC is the highest.The
number
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 of
passengers
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 per
year
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 in Kyoto and Los Angeles is similar,with 45
million
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 and 50
million
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.Comparing Washington DC with Kyoto and Los Angeles,we can find that there is a significant difference in the
number
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 of
passengers
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 and
railway
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 length.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, cities, route, passengers, year, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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