IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, in Western
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 most
people
Use synonyms
 consider having their own personal trainer the best choice to pursue their goals in
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
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 area.
Although
Linking Words
 attending gym classes or
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 outdoor activities might represent the
simpliest
Correct your spelling
simplest
 and the most economical way to stay healthy, it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 see more advantages
on
Change preposition
in
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 having a personalised path to follow. I think that
this
Linking Words
 trend is positive because everyone has different needs in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of time, objectives and approach which cannot be taken into
cosideration
Correct your spelling
consideration
 in a group situation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, even though going to the gym or participating
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 classes is the cheapest and
more
Rephrase
most
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 convenient way to
praticing
Correct your spelling
practice
 sports,
this
Linking Words
 has
also
Linking Words
 some drawbacks related mainly to the lack of flexibility of timetables and the impossibility
to attend
Change preposition
of attending
show examples
 personalized courses.
For instance
Linking Words
, lots of professionals who usually
works
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work
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 over common
working-time
Correct your spelling
working time
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 cannot benefit from standard group classes, as they need to maximize the effectiveness of their training.
Secondly
Linking Words
, personalization of
traing
Correct your spelling
training
 helps
people
Use synonyms
reaching
Wrong verb form
reach
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 their health objectives more rapidly and constantly. The presence of a
tranier
Correct your spelling
trainer
 who draws a peculiar package of exercises and follows
people
Use synonyms
 step by step, working
also
Linking Words
 on motivation and mindfulness, can make the difference.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
demonstated
Correct your spelling
demonstrated
 by research from San Raffaele University that trainees who follow a personalised path reach their goals twice than the other in half time; and, even more
important
Replace the word
importantly
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, they are likely to abandon
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 activities three times less than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
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 to the gym.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that the growing presence of personal trainers drives some important benefits for modern
people
Use synonyms
 who have understood the importance of being followed by professionals aimed to develop their abilities and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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focus on their strengths, minimising the impact of their weaknesses.

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task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples or data to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your paragraphs and maintain flow to strengthen your essay's coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on clarity in your sentences to ensure your ideas are easy to understand.
overall impression
You presented a clear opinion and structured your essay well.
content
Your points on personalization in fitness training are relevant and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
What to do next:
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