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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the share of the different brands in 2009 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the share of the different brands in 2009 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
sales
Use synonyms
 of different brands over the period of one decade.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 6 main devices on
Use synonyms
sales
Fix the agreement mistake
sale
show examples
: mobile phone, laptop, tablet, desktop computer,
flat screen
Add a hyphen
flat-screen
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 and conventional
TV
Use synonyms
. The data, which is given, compares
share
Fix the agreement mistake
shares
show examples
 in 2009 and 2019 years. Conventional
TV
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
fall-of
Correct your spelling
fall
show examples
 dramatically,
whereas
Linking Words
 mobile phone
sales
Use synonyms
 increased abruptly. Only three items felt a
fall-of
Correct your spelling
fall of
show examples
 in these years. In 2009
year
Correct your spelling
the
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 laptop was the second
most-saled
Correct your spelling
most-sales
most-saved
most-sale
 device, it had
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of the
sales
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 in 2019 it transformed into one of the least popular
item
Change to a plural noun
items
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
, the percentage number of share of computers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2009 was different from laptops, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 2% higher, in 2019
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both had 12% of
sales
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the most rapid decline had conventional
TV
Use synonyms
, which
sales
Use synonyms
 decreased by more than 8 times, from 34% to 4%
In contrast
Linking Words
,
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 similar incline had tablet and flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 - about 16%. In 2009 tablet was the least purchased item -
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
%, but in 2019 it increased by 14%.
However
Linking Words
, in 2009 flatscreen
TV
Use synonyms
 was interested by just 8% of customers, in 2019
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 became the most purchased item.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mobile phone demand increased from 15 to 26
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
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