IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

To meet the growing need for food for the increasing population, the country should make use of edible insects as food. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but affect negatively the nature too. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

With the growing population and their dependence on
food
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
, there has been a demand
of using
Verb problem
for
show examples
 edible
insects
Use synonyms
 as
food
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that they are unhealthy and harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the environment, others consider that their abundance in nature makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 beneficial. On one hand, Eating
insects
Use synonyms
 threatens the environment.
This
Linking Words
 is because there are animals and plants that highly depend on
insects
Use synonyms
 as
food
Use synonyms
 for their growth, and once deprived, the species are in turn affected by it.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
insects
Use synonyms
 act as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carrier
Fix the agreement mistake
carriers
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 of many
disease causing
Add a hyphen
disease-causing
show examples
 pathogens, making
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 harmful.
For example
Linking Words
, when people eat ticks living in the forest, they develop
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 heart disease with low prognosis. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, others believe that using
insects
Use synonyms
 as
food
Use synonyms
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 other
resources
Use synonyms
 from being reduced. With the population growing,
resources
Use synonyms
 are easily getting deprived, and thereby, countries are finding new
resources
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as
insects
Use synonyms
, from being scarce.
For example
Linking Words
, China had encouraged local vendors to sell
fry
Replace the word
fried
show examples
insects
Use synonyms
 in stalls to encourage people to adopt a habit of eating them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 eating edible
insects
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 prevented other
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 from being deprived, the drawbacks of leading to harmful diseases and threatening the environment exist.

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task response
Your introduction could better present the two sides of the argument more clearly. Make sure to outline the benefits and drawbacks more distinctly.
coherence and cohesion
You should connect your ideas better by using linking words like 'however' or 'in contrast.' This helps readers follow your thoughts.
task response
In your examples, try to provide more specific details or data, such as the quantity of insects eaten or nutritional benefits. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points you discussed. It should reflect on the benefits and drawbacks clearly.
specific example
Your examples, like mentioning China’s efforts, show good relevant knowledge about the topic.
task response
You introduce both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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