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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that academic qualifications are essential for success, while others think practical skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that academic certificates are crucial for measuring
success
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,
while
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 others believe that practical
skills
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 are essential for securing a
job
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 and achieving financial stability. Both approaches have their pros and cons, but it is best to combine them in moderation.
To begin
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 with, pursuing a
university
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 degree and graduating from it can be beneficial for
job
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 searching in today's
job
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 market. Many companies require employees who have completed their bachelor's degree or a higher level of education.
In addition
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, when
people
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 take courses in
university
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, they develop better analytical
skills
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 and decision-making abilities and
also
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 have a higher probability of achieving
success
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.
For example
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, many startups and CEOs in the company have completed their bachelor's degrees.
Additionally
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, nowadays, some jobs require
people
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 with intellectual
skills
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,
such
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 as scientists.
On the other hand
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, on
this
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 day, not only are the intellectual
skills
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 that the company need but
also
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 some companies just require practical
skills
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 and experience. If the human resources
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
 two categories of employees, one is a graduate, and another has never taken the course but has much experience in that field. The employee chooses the second one.
Furthermore
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, many
job
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 openings do not need an academic certificate,
such
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 as programming.
However
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, without academic
skills
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, there are several founders of startup companies which is successful and grow significantly.
To conclude
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, there are two views on measuring the
success
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 of
people
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: completing their degree or enhancing practical
skills
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 without learning in
university
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.
However
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, regarding
this
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 issue, in my opinion, it will be better if
people
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 enrol in
university
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 and improve their practical
skills
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; it can increase their probability of
success
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 and earning money.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly answers the question. This helps your essay flow better.
Task Achievement
Give more specific examples to support your points. This makes your ideas clearer and stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of sentence structures to make your writing more interesting.
Task Achievement
You presented both views of the topic fairly well, showing that you understand the complexity of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion, which is a good way to frame your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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