IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's world, most
people
Use synonyms
 who get out of jail start to re-offend
crimes
Use synonyms
 after they are serving the first punishment. There are many reasons why they commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 after a long service
such
Linking Words
 as they do not come to the communities
as well as
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are banned from their own
families
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some potential solutions that will tackle these circumstances. The major reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 have no opportunities in a lot of ways including difficulty finding a job,
also
Linking Words
 most of them are banned from their own
families
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the only thing that helps them to survive is stealing again or doing bad things to be able to get paid. Another reason is that they do not get supported to be able to study, and in some cases, they get
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their family. A fundamental to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 solution is that the
government
Use synonyms
 need to add new policies for companies to accept offenders who are qualified.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 and communities
also
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 play an important role in supporting offenders not committing
crimes
Use synonyms
 again by accepting who they are or opening arms without judgment. Another solution is that the
government
Use synonyms
's strict punishment plan should be used.
For example
Linking Words
, In Vietnam, the
government
Use synonyms
 has changed its policy for
people
Use synonyms
 who re-offend by forcing them to pay higher fines or jail them longer times. In conclusion, there are some reasons that offenders commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 after serving the first punishment including neglect from their
families
Use synonyms
 and society. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue effectively, the
government
Use synonyms
 need to focus on creating job opportunities for these individuals,
therefore
Linking Words
 supporting reintegration into society and ultimately reducing the incidence of reoffending to
crimes
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that shows your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Expand your examples with more detail to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You have identified key issues that contribute to re-offending, such as lack of support and job opportunities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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