IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionalsuch as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that
professionals
Use synonyms
 like doctors and engineers should be required to work in the
country
Use synonyms
 where they received their training. Others believe they should be free to work wherever they choose.
This
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 essay will show both views and explain why I support the second opinion. On the one hand, requiring
professionals
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 to stay in the
country
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 where they did their training can benefit society. In many cases, education is funded by the government and graduates should give money to the
country
Use synonyms
 that
supported
Wrong verb form
supports
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 them to start their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Moreover
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, in countries with
a shortages
Correct the article-noun agreement
a shortage
shortages
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 of medical or technical personnel,
such
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 as India or Afghanistan, losing experienced experts to other countries can harm public services.
On the other hand
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,
professionals
Use synonyms
 should have the freedom to decide where they want to live and where they want to work. People are always looking for a better job, higher salary, or improved working conditions abroad. In fact, working in another
country
Use synonyms
 can help
professionals
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 gain international experience and return home later with
more
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apply
show examples
better skills.
For example
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, a doctor working in a modern hospital abroad can bring valuable knowledge to his homeland. In my opinion,
although
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 it is understandable that countries want to keep their skilled workers, forcing them to stay is not the right opinion. In conclusion, both views have their own advantages, but I believe that freedom of choice is essential.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to provide a brief overview of the main points in your thesis statement. This will guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'for instance' to improve the flow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples from various countries to support your arguments better. This will strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could restate your main points more clearly, emphasizing your stance on the issue again.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, which is a strong point.
task achievement
Your reasoning in the second body paragraph about gaining international experience is a very good point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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