IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people who care for the elderly donot have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

In
this
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 competitive world, for the sake of career growth and to attain high living standards,
people
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 are migrating to big cities, big countries, or if they are working in their local or nearby areas, still their lot of
time
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 is consumed in travelling and managing office assignments.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
,
due to
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 a hectic schedule, it is not an easy task to look after the elderly
people
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 in the family. I will explain the problems associated with taking
care
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 of old
people
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along with
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 the solutions in the upcoming paragraphs. Several issues are linked to looking after the older
people
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 in the family.
One
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 of the reasons is; in
this
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 inflated era, to earn bread and butter, all the young
people
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 in the families are working. So, there is no
one
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 at
home
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 to take charge of their
care
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. Another reason is that some
people
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 live in small towns, and villages,
hence
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, to grab career opportunities, they need to move towards big cities, and even some individuals decide to migrate abroad as their skills are more demanding there. Thereby, with a motive to get a good salary and to provide a comfortable life for their families, many families are shifting from
one
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 place to another. But in
this
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 hustle and bustle of life, they do not get enough
time
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 to look at the aged
people
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 of their family. Even though it's a challenging situation for adult folks to manage
time
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 for their parents and grandparents, still there are a few solutions to resolve
this
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 concern.
Firstly
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, they can hire a personal support worker or a
home
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care
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 provider who ensures their day-to-day
care
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, including - spending
time
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 with them, walking around outside
such
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 as in parks, handling doctor appointments, timely intake of their medicines etcetera.
Secondly
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, if they cannot afford the outside services, they can schedule their shifts in
such
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 a way, that at least
one
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 adult in the family must be at
home
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 to
care
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 for them.
Last
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 but not least, nowadays, many remote working positions are available, they should opt
such
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 jobs where they can work from
home
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can keep an eye on their older family members simultaneously. In conclusion, I would wrap up my essay by saying that many young pupils are willing to take responsibility for their elders'
care
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, but owing to a competitive working environment, it is not convenient for them to perform their duties towards them.
Thus
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, it is required either to get the services of outside parties or manage their work shifts, and work from
home
Use synonyms
 days
accordingly
Linking Words
 to ensure their supervision.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to develop your main ideas more fully. For example, you could explain the feelings of elderly people when not cared for.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This helps the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your conclusion nicely summarizes your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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