IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is often said that governements spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether
government
Use synonyms
 money should be spent on protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 has sparked widespread debate.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should focus on more vital issues, I firmly believe that protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is essential for several key reasons which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First and foremost, when the
government
Use synonyms
 cares about
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection, life can continue in balance.
In other words
Linking Words
,
wildlife
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in our lives and helps maintain the balance on Earth.
In addition
Linking Words
, by protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
, we are
also
Linking Words
 protecting the animals that live on
this
Linking Words
 planet. Animals can survive only if they are provided with proper
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
 and essential needs.
Wildlife
Use synonyms
 is fundamental not only to agricultural life but
also
Linking Words
 to marine life. To
further
Linking Words
 explain,
wildlife
Use synonyms
 includes forests, plants, and trees, which are essential for growing crops. In the ocean, some fish depend on underwater plants for food, showing how everything is connected. Another reason to support my view is that
wildlife
Use synonyms
 has a significant role in business and trade. Some countries use natural landscapes and
wildlife
Use synonyms
 areas to develop eco-tourism projects.
For example
Linking Words
, many people enjoy visiting farms where they can see animals and plants for a small fee.
Additionally
Linking Words
, farms can be educational for children. Not only children but
also
Linking Words
 adults often prefer visiting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 parks and farms to relax and enjoy nature. Conclusion In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that
government
Use synonyms
 spending should go to other areas, I strongly support the idea that protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is a necessary investment. It is essential for environmental balance, economic benefit, and future generations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to make your position even stronger by stating it more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to make the flow of ideas clearer.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, such as a specific wildlife protection project.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is good, but you could add a final thought or a call to action to make it more impactful.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion on the topic, which is important.
task achievement
Your points about the connection between wildlife and agriculture are interesting and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • governments
  • spend
  • money
  • projects
  • protect
  • wildlife
  • important
  • agree
  • disagree
  • balance
  • investing
  • benefits
  • eco-tourism
  • health
  • natural
  • areas
  • biodiversity
  • food security
  • environmental balance
  • ignoring
  • extinction
  • species
  • ecosystems
  • resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: