IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

In certain nations, shopping in big malls of cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 preferred by many individuals who live in smaller
towns
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because smaller town stores are going out of business.
Moreover
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, people who do not own vehicles have no options left to do shopping
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to
this
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, the number of
cars
Use synonyms
 is increasing on the roads. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the demerits which are more compared to merits. The first and foremost disadvantage is that the masses would need a good amount of money to purchase
cars
Use synonyms
 as vehicles are expensive these days.
In addition
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 to
this
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, they need fuel for
cars
Use synonyms
 to drive from their cities to big
towns
Use synonyms
 and gasoline
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
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 costly nowadays.
Furthermore
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, every other month four wheelers need service and machines
also
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 charge a good amount of money.
As a result
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, people would survive more and they would need to do some extra work to earn more. The second drawback is that the increase in the number of
cars
Use synonyms
 would
also
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 affect the environment. These vehicles emit harmful gasses which pollute the air in our surroundings.
For example
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,
last
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 year, China found in research that air pollution has increased dramatically in the present compared to the past when folks used to have fewer
cars
Use synonyms
.
As a consequence
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, the number of people who are suffering from asthma is rising.
However
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, there is an advantage of shopping from large out-of-town stores as they not only keep a wider range of products and items but
also
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 give discounts on certain things. To explain it, when they do shopping in smaller
towns
Use synonyms
 , they are unable to make choices because of limited stuff but
on the other hand
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, in big
towns
Use synonyms
, if they want to buy a bag
then
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 there would number of options available for them with some discounted bags.
Consequently
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, they would save some money from discounts compared to small
towns
Use synonyms
, where there is nothing on sale. In conclusion,
although
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 there is a merit of doing shopping in big cities because of some discounts , there are more disadvantages
such
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 as losing more than saving and an incline in air pollution.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly present your view on the topic. Make sure to state whether you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You identified key disadvantages of increased car usage, such as financial costs and environmental impact. This shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You included a comparison of shopping choices in small towns versus big cities, which is relevant to the essay question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • small shops
  • large stores
  • business
  • community
  • jobs
  • local
  • access
  • people
  • cars
  • shopping
  • pollution
  • traffic
  • prices
  • selection
  • products
  • businesses
  • personal
  • customer-friendly
  • environment
  • greenhouse gas emissions
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