IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be usefull in protecting wild animals. Discuss both view and give your opinion

The discussion about
zoos
Use synonyms
 continues, with some supporting their role in wildlife preservation,
while
Linking Words
 others criticize them as inhumane and call for their elimination. Even though breeding programs can help conserve endangered
species
Use synonyms
, I believe the poor living conditions that many captive
animals
Use synonyms
 experience make the existence of
zoos
Use synonyms
 unacceptable. On the one hand, many
zoos
Use synonyms
 worldwide have done a good job with breeding programs, making more
species
Use synonyms
 that might vanish.
This
Linking Words
 is important for saving
animals
Use synonyms
 in danger because of things like hunting and losing their homes.
For example
Linking Words
, the golden lion tamarin from Brazil was almost gone because of cutting down trees and mining. But now, about a third of them are born in
zoos
Use synonyms
, helping their numbers.
This
Linking Words
 shows how
zoos
Use synonyms
 can play a crucial role in preventing the extinction of endangered
species
Use synonyms
 by giving them a safer place to grow and reproduce.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
zoos
Use synonyms
 keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in really small spaces, not allowing them to act naturally.
This
Linking Words
 can make
animals
Use synonyms
 feel sad, stressed, and in pain because they don't get to move around enough. A friend of mine saw
this
Linking Words
 when visiting a wildlife park. Lions were walking back and forth in a small, empty area, and eagles couldn't fly in spaces that were way too
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of situation raises concerns about the well-being of
animals
Use synonyms
 in captivity, which highlights the need for better living conditions and larger spaces for them to express their natural
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. In summary,
although
Linking Words
zoos
Use synonyms
 contribute to preserving endangered
species
Use synonyms
, the extensive suffering of captive
animals
Use synonyms
 because of insufficient living conditions is cruel.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their existence should not be accepted. Striking a balance between wildlife conservation efforts and ethical treatment is crucial, and it is imperative to enhance animal welfare standards within
zoos
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your arguments are clear and well-presented. Try to develop each point more with additional examples or details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas link smoothly. You might add more transition words to help clarify the connection between your points.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and give a clear sense of your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: