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Band 6

In a number of countries, some people think its is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
Without
a
Correct article usage
apply
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question, spending money is a hugely important topic that has sparked a great deal of discussion among many
people
 in many different countries.
While
 some strongly believe that funds should be set aside for the construction of new railroads, others think that the quality of the current public
transportation
 system should be enhanced.
Although
 both sides have solid points, I believe the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 group to be more well-founded. First off, proponents of the first scenario strongly argue that
this
 has been given a great deal of importance. Building a new railway,
for example
, will not only significantly lower the amount of fossil fuel used by lone
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 who frequently drive between cities, but it will
also
 lower the percentage of traffic accidents that are caused by drivers.
This
 occurred in China, where a sharp decline in auto accidents was seen following the introduction of rapid trains with an average speed of 200 km/h. There is
also
 the opposite side, in which a decent group of
people
 declares that the funding should be spent on improving current public
transportation
. There are several advantages to the aforementioned trend; upgrading current public
transportation
,
such
 as increasing the number of seats in tubes and lowering the fee, would be a practical strategy
to
Change preposition
for
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 furthering the welfare of the
people
.
This
 encourages
people
 to use public
transportation
 since it is less expensive and more accessible than other modes of
transportation
.
Additionally
, I believe that funding improvements to the current public
transportation
 system should be given first priority.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, but the conclusion could be stronger. Consider summarizing the main points and clearly stating your position at the end.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed. For example, the argument for spending money on reconstructing railways could include additional benefits or address potential drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured but could benefit from more varied linking phrases to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You could use more transition words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand' to link your points together.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion should succinctly wrap up both arguments and reiterate your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively and maintains a balanced view.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the one about China, are used to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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