IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the government should allocate more funding to the arts, such as music, painting, and theatre. Others argue that this money should be spent on more essential sectors like healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many think that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should put more capital
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the development of art culture. I believe that the council should
used
Change the verb form
use
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 it in the important sector that
related
Add a missing verb
is related
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 to
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
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daliy
Correct your spelling
daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 which could literally help people
for improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 their life quality. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, the promotion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 arts could increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the city. Developing
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 industry may lead to various advantages especially
for expands
Change preposition
in expanding
show examples
 the attraction to visitors
for
Change preposition
from
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 different countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, K-POP music is one of the biggest reasons why young people around the world seek to travel to South Korea. Including the help of local
government
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, the huge income
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 by tourism could be one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 to support giving more funding to arts.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the input for essential sectors which is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to locals should be the priority of
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to promoting media development, the improvement of healthcare or education could
also
Linking Words
 be essential; without the commitment to protecting the basic rights of local people,the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 and the satisfaction
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 locals will definitely face a
sharply
Change the adverb
sharp
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 decline. As an example, the
medicial
Correct your spelling
medical
 support of welfare systems in Finland is great enough to satisfy the citizens, which
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 reflected
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rankings of the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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happiest countries in the world. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 promoting the arts in our own country could bring a lot of pros, I still believe that the first area that should
be notice
Change the verb form
be noticed
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 will always be the facilities that benefit to local community rather than entertainment.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader know your view from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear paragraph structures, with one main idea per paragraph. This will help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and show a deeper understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling to improve clarity, especially with verb forms and plural nouns. This makes your writing more accurate.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion by discussing two sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You included relevant examples like K-Pop and Finland, which help to support your points and make the ideas more clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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